Early stage: the planning window
While your parent can still make the big decisions, the priorities are theirs to take, with your help: the will reviewed, the advance instruments considered (the after-diagnosis list), the map of accounts and documents made, and the wishes conversation had — gently. Your job at this stage is chief encourager, not decision-maker; everything is easier for the next decade if this window is used.
Middle stage: support, formalised
When helping becomes constant, formalise it at the right tier — an assistance agreement, then co-decision-making when decisions become genuinely joint. Resist the informal shortcuts that feel kind and end badly: using her card and PIN, signing "per pro", the convenience joint account — they work until a bank freezes (what happens then) or a sibling asks questions you shouldn't have to answer. If an EPA exists from earlier planning, understand its activation route before you need it (old EPAs differ from new).
Later stage: substitute decisions, lawfully
When decisions genuinely can't be made even with support, the DMR application is the lawful route — commonly arriving alongside the nursing home and Fair Deal questions and, often, the house. Sequencing these together, rather than crisis by crisis, is most of what good advice buys.
The sibling layer
Dementia reorganises families around one parent's needs, and old dynamics come too. What works: share information relentlessly (secrecy reads as scheming even when it's efficiency), divide roles explicitly, and anchor every argument in what she wants or wanted — the Act's own tiebreaker. Where agreement fails, mediation before litigation, and neutral options like a panel DMR exist (disputes). The goal is a family still speaking at the funeral — worth more than any point won.
How our fees work
You get a fixed quote in writing before any work starts — no hourly-rate surprises. If the scope changes, the quote is revised in writing before we continue. In contentious business, a solicitor may not calculate fees or other charges as a percentage or proportion of any award or settlement. How costs work in capacity matters →
Frequently asked questions
I've been managing Mam's money informally for years. Am I in trouble?
Informal help given honestly isn't a crime, but it is unprotected — for her and for you, especially if siblings later ask for accounts. The answer isn't panic; it's regularising now at the right tier, with records from here on. We have this exact conversation weekly; you'll feel better after it.
At what point does dementia mean my father can't sign documents?
There's no single point — capacity is decision-specific and assessed at the time, so he may validly sign some documents years after diagnosis and not others. What changes is the care required: proper assessment around each significant act, so nothing is signed into a future challenge.
Do we need to do anything while Mam is still managing fine?
Yes — precisely because she's managing fine: this is the window in which the advance instruments and will can be made and the wishes recorded. Families who act in the good years rarely need the courts in the hard ones.
Talk to a solicitor who works with families through capacity law every week. Call Mary Molloy Solicitors today.
Whether you are planning ahead, facing a capacity application, or simply unsure which arrangement your family needs, an early conversation costs little and prevents a lot.
📞 Call 01 5827148Try the Decision Support Pathway Finder
richardoshea@marymolloysolicitors.com · Dublin: The Ormond Building, 31–36 Ormond Quay Upper, Dublin 7, D07 EE37 · Kilkenny: 2 Rose Inn Street, Kilkenny, R95 W58D
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